Life Not Worth Living
by luckyhorse101
Summary: She endured it only for her sister, but even she had a breaking point. When will it be? Is there really no one that can help her? Will SHE be there to save her. Pairing: Kotetsu Isane & Unohana Retsu
1. Chapter 1

She winced as she put the last dressing in place and critically examined her work. Her sensei would be proud she decided. She had put on the bandages correctly, not to tight or to loose, just like she had learned it in class.

Isane sighed anything put proud of this accomplishment. Anybody would be this adept at bandaging if they would get as much training in it as she. She pushed one of her small braids behind her ear and another sigh escaped her mouth as she remembered when she had started to let her hair grow for those braids. Tiredly she rubbed her eyes and looked out of her bedroom window at the moon. For a moment she wished she could be the moon. It would be nice, she mused, being up there and to have no care in the world. Determined she shook her head to dispel that thought. She mustn't think like that she had a responsibility here.

"Just till she graduates and then this nightmare will finally be over," she whispered wistfully.

She clung to this. It was the only thing that helped her through the years. Closing her eyes, she rested her head on the window. Her deep breaths starting to fog the glass and made the outside word seem hazy and unfocused. She was dead tired but the throbbing in her left shoulder and her back wouldn't let her find rest and solace in sleep. The pain killer she took would take some time to alleviate her pain and so Isane could only wait, and hope that he wouldn't come back.

She was 10 when she found out that her family was far from perfect like she always thought, and when her carefree childhood abruptly ended. Red on white. Blue eyes like the sky on a spring morning opened wide in fear. A soft smile on peach colored lips, softly spoken words. Pain and then darkness.

Isane squeezed her eyes tightly shut. Her hearts starts beating rapidly, not even deep breaths seemed to slow it down. She gripped her pajama bottoms with a vice like intensity that would leave her without a doubt with another set of bruises on her thighs, but for her that was the only way she knew to stop herself from remembering things she rather forget. The pain grounded her, it was something she was used to, and on rare occasions, she welcomed the sensation it brought. Welcomed the numbness and tiredness that followed and the knowledge that there would be no recollecting of the past that night.

She took another couple of deep breaths and her heartbeat slowed once again down to its usual rhythm. Isane let go of her thighs and sighed in appreciation at the warm feeling that started spreading through her body. The pain killer finally worked its magic. Now she could rest.

Isane put the unused bandages back into the first aid kit and slowly as to not jar her wounds got off the bed. She walked the short distance to her wardrobe and got on her knees to open the bottom drawer to put the kit in its usual place. Straightening again she had to put a steadying hand on the wood of her closet as not to fall over as she suddenly felt a bone deep weariness. With her last strength she stumbled back to her bed and fell on the cool sheets. She struggled a moment with putting the comforter over her body but in the end succeeded and after closing her eyes she immediately fell in a deep, thankfully, dreamless slumber.

"Are you alright, Isane? You look a little pale."

Isane spun around to face the speaker, whirling her braids left and right, a light blush formed on her face. She lowered her head in embarrassment. The soft and gentle voice of her Sensei always had this effect on her.

"No Sensei everything is alright, I just didn't sleep well last night that's all."

Unohana Retsu watched her favorite pupil with a frown. Isane didn't look her in the eyes, that wasn't something out of the ordinary and cause for worry then Isane, as Retsu knew, was very shy but the way she seemed exceptionally skittish today and the dark bags under her eyes had her concerned.

"You know you can talk with me about anything. You know that right?" Retsu said in her quiet melodic voice.

A small grateful smile formed on Isane's lips but it only lasted a moment. She knew that what her Sensei said was true and that she could rely on her, but there were things she didn't want to burden anyone with, at least her sensei.

"Arigatou, but I am alright. Nothing a good night's sleep couldn't cure."

Retsu watched her for a moment intently then she sighed softly. If Isane didn't want to confine her in she wouldn't force her.

"Okay, then lets finish up here and get something to eat before we go to the hospital. OK?"

Isane nodded her head, glad that her Sensei didn't press the issue. Together they collected the books that were scattered in the lecture room and put them back in the cupboard were they belonged. Retsu watched with a small smile on her face as Isane put the last of the books away and wiped her hands on her jeans. The girl always stayed behind after class to help with this small task and was also otherwise quiet helpful. Retsu remembered quiet fondly their first encounter 2 years ago.

_Slowly, as not to get her pile of medical books to topple, Retsu walked through the corridors to the faculty room. The new term had started today and she had just finished her first le__cture with the freshmen students. Quiet opposite from what she expected she was looking forward to this term, as it was her first term of teaching. Originally she just wanted to get her medical degree and then work in a hospital but her former sensei convinced her otherwise. He firmly believed that she would make an exceptional teacher because of her gentle nature and great patience and that she would come to like teaching. She would never have said yes if her sensei hadn't worked his connections so she still could do her residency at the local hospital. And now after finishing her first lecture she had to confess she did had fun._

_A body suddenly collided with her, jolting her out of her reverie and before she could fully comprehend what happened she laid on her back with someone on top of her. For a moment she just laid unmoving on the floor and tried to assess the amount of damage done to her body. Her head ached painfully as did her back and the only thing she saw were black dots that danced before her eyes but aside of that she was unharmed. She felt the body on top of her move and she looked down at her assailant. The first thing she saw were lavender colored hair which looked quiet soft to the touch, but before she could test this ascertainment the person the hair belongs to lifted her head and Retsu starred into beautiful light blue-gray colored eyes in which she saw so much compassion that it nearly overwhelmed her. Never before had a pair of eyes captured her and held her captive like the ones now. Retsu thought she could look into this person's soul through them, but then the person closed those orbs and when they were opened again they had a guarded quality to them._

"_Are you alright? Gomen I didn't watch were I was walking."_

_The softly spoken words shattered the trance that Retsu was in and for a moment she wasn't even sure that the words belonged to a human being and not to the wind so quiet were they uttered. The girl, and Retsu knew it was a girl, because how could she not with what there position was, had soft features her lavender colored hair was cut tomboyish short with the exception of some small braids adorned with pearls and feathers, which were currently laying on Retsu's breasts. She also had, to Retsu's surprise, a split lip and a black eye. Why hadn't she noticed this sooner? Was she this captivated by the girl's eyes? Retsu lifted her right hand and with her fingers lightly touched the girls lip._

"_I should ask you that question it seems."_

_The girl flinched and shied away from the touch averting her eyes in the process. No one spoke resulting in an awkward silence. Retsu looked around as much as her current position allowed. They were surrounded by the books she carried prior to the collision. Seeing them brought her back to reality. She couldn't just stay here she had things to do._

"_Would you be so kind and let me get back up? I have to be at work soon."_

_Her assailant looked confused at her again and she wiggled her body a bit to demonstrate that she was trapped. Retsu had to smile at the way the girls face flushed beet red after noticing their compromising situation. She hastily backed away and sprung to her feet, extending her hand to Retsu._

"_Oh my god I am so sorry, I didn't notice. Here let me help you."_

_Retsu took the hand gratefully and with surprising strength was pulled to her feet. Nearly toppling over again hadn't it been for the hand that clasped her arm to steady her._

"_It's alright, no harm done. You are pretty strong."_

_The girl blushed again and let go off her arm. Retsu smiled at that. 'That girl is really painfully shy.' She bent down to start collecting her books, reminding herself that she was in a hurry. At once the girl sprung into action helping her at which Retsu had to smile. Again. 'She seems to be able to do that to me pretty easily.' After stacking the books again the girl effortlessly took the pack and stood up again._

"_I will carry them for you. That's the least I could do after the trouble I put you through," she hesitantly said._

_Retsu nodded grateful for the help and showed the girl in which direction to go. Wordlessly they started their short trek to the faculty room. Standing before the door Retsu took the books from the silent girl._

"_Arigato, that was very nice of you."_

_To Retsu's amusement the girl blushed again quiet adorably._

"_If you don't mind me asking, but are you a student here?"_

"_Hai, I am a freshman and my name is Kotetsu Isane. My first lecture is today, but I am a bit lost. Could you possible help me find the room in which Unohana Retsu-Sensei teaches?"_

_Retsu couldn't stop herself from laughing. What were the odds? This adorable girl was one of her students. The girl tilted her head slightly to the right and watched her confused. _

"_I am sorry I am not laughing at you, Isane-san, but at the situation. You see I am Unohana Retsu and the lecture you spoke off actually ended a short while ago."_

_Isane had looked at her shocked; her face went completely red from embarrassment which caused Retsu to laugh harder. That was their first meeting but in no way their last._

'I am glad that I asked her out for a coffee as a thank you that day. Befriending Isane was a good thing. For her and also for me.' A hand was waved before her eyes and brought her back to the here and now.

"Are you alright Sensei? I was calling you a couple of times?"

Retsu looked to her left were Isane stood, watching her closely with concerned eyes. Retsu still marveled at those mysterious blue-grey orbs, which always showed Isane's feelings so clear and seemed to subtly change color accordingly to her emotions. She took the girls hand and squeezed it, watching amused at the light blush forming on her face. Isane still got easily flustered but at least she didn't turn as red as a lobster anymore when she touched her. Strange it seemed only she got that reaction.

"Sorry, I was just thinking. Come on lets go eat."

Isane nodded not questioning her Sensei and followed her out of the lecture hall.


	2. Chapter 2

thanks to my 1st review (i never would have guessed i would get one so fast!!!) i was super motivated today and wrote the whole day...i know its not much i have to present for nearly a days work but its really hard to get the things out of my head and on paper :) so here is part 2.

i forgot to write an authors note in part 1 so here it is. i own nothing so please dont sue me :D. english is not my first language and i dont have a beta reader (if someone is interessted please contact me!) so all the mistakes are mine and i am deeply sorry for them but i hope the story is still readable. ok thats it on with the story.

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They sat, in comfortable silence, on one of the tables in the hospital cafeteria and enjoyed their meal. Isane always marveled how at ease her Sensei made her feel. They needn't many words to communicate; a glance alone would suffice to tell the other that now was a bad day for conversation. Like today. For the Junior, it came as a big surprise to feel this instant connection with the other woman. Before that only her mother, and to an extent her little sister, had understood her that well. It was nice she mused, particularly because she wasn't that big of a talker. The downside, of course, was that now she lived with the constant fear that some day the other woman would see something in her eyes, a feeling, an emotion she wouldn't be able to hide fast enough when looking at her, and then everything would be over. 

Isane sighed and put the rest of her turkey sandwich down on her plate, suddenly not hungry anymore. She didn't know when it happened, maybe it went even back so far as their first encounter, but she found herself in love with her Sensei. The Junior knew it was cliché. Something that happened in romance novels or those late night movies that she still insisted her sister was to young to watch, though her sister was already practically an adult herself but that was beside the point. When she first noticed that she starred at her mentor just a tad longer then it was prudent with a tingly feeling in her belly, she was so mortified that she spent the next two days at home so as not to see her. She thought, if she just got a little distance between them she could convince herself that the feelings she had for her mentor were just figments of her imagination. Oh how wrong she was. The next time she saw her, she knew the saying, absence makes the heart grew fonder, was true so very true. The Junior couldn't keep the smile from forming on her face and her stomach felt as if thousand of butterflies were trying to escape from there. From that day on she didn't try to deny her feelings, but she was careful as not to show her Sensei what she truly meant to her. She knew the doctor would probably not be disgusted of these feelings, Unohana Retsu was an open-minded person after all, but surly she wouldn't welcome them. On some days, the bad ones, it was so hard to be in the doctors company, because the only thing she wanted to do then is to fall in the other woman's arms bawling her eyes out and telling her off all her problems she had so the other could right all the wrongs. On some other days though, she was simple content to be in the others presence, that alone soothed her bleeding heart and she could go on for an another week. Isane knew she had it bad.

'But what is not to love?' she thought and let her eyes roam over her Sensei's body. Starting at those ebony colored locks styled in a very unusual manner, over the small and compact body down to those feet that seemingly soundlessly glided over the floor Isane was in love with all of it and everything in between. For her Unohana Retsu was simply stunning. Before she could get caught staring she directed her gaze back to the table and the rest of her sandwich. Her partner had just finished her salad and was putting her chopsticks down.

Retsu took the napkin and dabbed her lips slightly with it, out of the corner of her eyes she saw the fascinated gaze of her student following the movement. She gave the girl a small smile, causing Isane, who was caught staring, to blush profoundly while hastily averting her eyes. Chuckling Retsu shook her head. Sometimes the reactions of the Junior confused her immensely.

They rose together and cleaned their table, throwing the leftovers in the trash and putting their tablets in one of the trolleys which were just for this purpose. Side by side they left the cafeteria in the direction of the emergency room. They could at once start working for they had already changed. Isane in scrubs, she knew from experience that some patients couldn't keep their meals down, and Retsu just put on her white lab coat over her black slacks and navy blouse. Theoretically Isane wasn't allowed to work at the hospital, she had still to finish university after all, but Retsu pulled some strings and called in some favors for her. Now the Junior was allowed, under strict supervision of her Sensei of course, to do some small task around the ER. Like taking temperature and blood pressure and putting on the dressings. Sometimes she was even allowed to do some stitches. The most of the time, although, her work consisted of holding and carrying her Sensei's stethoscope, the woman wasn't so fond to have that thing around her neck, and following her Sensei from patient to patient while she explained the treatment for various illnesses.

They entered the area were the ER was and immediately navigated their way to the desk were the charts with the data of the patients was kept. Retsu gave all of them a brief once over, scrawling on some a couple of words in her illegible physician handwriting, and picking out the ones that she could work together with Isane. Satisfied that she found them enough work for the next couple of hours, a bunch of junior high school boys had gotten into a fight resulting in various cuts and bruises to patch up; she took the charts and motioned Isane to follow her. Before they could even get to their first patient a jovially voice halted them.

"Unohana-san, please wait a moment."

Retsu turned and, seeing who it was that called her, couldn't stop a amused smile from forming on her face. Patiently she waited for the man to catch up with Isane and her. The man had sandy-blond hair and light stubble on his chin and although he wore a lab coat over his immaculate black suit he still succeeded in exuding an easy-going attitude that was more prominent on some beach boy than on an respectable young doctor. Reaching the two women the man did a showy bow and smiled charmingly at them.

"How are you two lovely ladies doing today? Good I hope? " He winked at Isane, who could do nothing except blush, not the slightest bit prepared to deal with this kind of attention. Damn her shyness.

"Urahara-san, could you please refrain from constantly embarrassing my assistant. If not I have no other choice but to punish you." The words were spoken with a smile on her lips and with a 'why me' expression on her face, and told Kisuke that he wasn't in serious trouble due to his slight teasing. He lifted his hands apologetically and grins that rakishly grin of his that made him so popular with the ladies.

"Gomen, I will stop. But there is something I really could use your help with. Would you mind coming with me?"

Retsu looked at him slightly confused not sure in which way she could be of any help to him. Urahara Kisuke was the pride of the hospital; he was a genius who breezed through med school and was now at the age of 26 their head researcher in various fields. Seeing her confusion he hastily explained:

"There was a car accident today. A family of 3 got rammed by a truck. The father got severely injured and still has to regain conscious and sadly there was nothing we could do for the mother."

Isane gasped, still not used that "the gods in white" couldn't save everyone. Kisuke continued:

"The 3rd occupant of the car, the son, wasn't hurt that badly, a broken arm and some bruises from what we can tell. The problem is, and that's were you come into play, that the boy doesn't talk to us furthermore he won't let us treat his injuries. He just waves his hands around hysterically. I thought maybe you could calm him down." Kisuke smiled at her hopefully. "If you can't do it no one can."

"I will give it a try but I won't promise anything Kisuke."  
"That's all I am asking for. Follow me."

Kisuke let them to one of the examination rooms and gave them a jubilant thumb up before departing. Retsu could only shake her head bemused at his antics. Before opening the door she turned to her student. "Ready?" Isane nodded confidently. They entered the room and instantly assessed the situation. The boy, probably not older than 10, sat on one of the hospital beds on the opposite side of the examination room. He held his left arm protectively and, concluding from the hard lines in his face and around his sky blue eyes, was in much pain. Aside from the obvious broken arm, the other serious injury he had was a laceration above his left eyebrow from which a steady stream of blood trickled down his face and into his blond hair. The moment he noticed their entrance his eyes were glued to them. Leery he watched every movement the two made. Retsu started, slowly and as unthreatening as possible, walking in his direction.

"Everything is alright. We won't hurt you. We are here to help. Could you tell us your name?"

The boy didn't answer but got more and more agitated as the distance between him and the doctor diminished. He started forming strange figures with his uninjured limb, getting more and more upset when she didn't react in the way he wanted. Retsu, not wanting to scare the boy even more, stopped walking and pondered her next course of action.

"Sensei, may I?"

Surprised Retsu turned to her student. Isane still stood at the entry of the examination room, a pensive expression on her youthful face.

"Sure, maybe you can get through to him."

She stepped to the side to let the Junior pass. Isane walked slowly toward the boy but stopped in a save distance as not to alarm him. She took a deep breath, trying to remember lessons long past. For a moment she closed her eyes, mentally going through the letters for the language she was about to use. Confident that she indeed hadn't forget anything her most precious person taught her, she reopened her eyes and started to form the first sign. Realizing that he was finally understood, the boy started to sign in rapid succession, asking her question after question. Isane tried to answer all of them as good as she could. Except the ones about his parents were she kept her answers vague as not to upset him again. After a couple of minutes the boy was calm enough to be treated and Retsu, who after seeing that her student had everything under control had walked to them, got to work.

"That was impressive."

Isane peered bewildered sidewise at her mentor, while putting a bandage around the boys stitched head laceration.

"What was?"  
"You."

Retsu smiled fondly at the cute blush forming on her students face. The girl couldn't take a compliment without turning and adorable shade of red.

"Were did you learn sign language?"

Isane paused in her work a pained expression on her face. "My mother…she taught me. She was deaf."

Sensing that this was a sore topic for the Junior, Retsu refrained from asking more questions although she was curious. She knew that Isane's mother was dead and that she died a long time ago, that much had Isane told her, but she hadn't known that she was deaf. There were still so many things she didn't know about the girl she called her friend, Retsu just hoped that one day Isane would feel comfortable enough to share those things. Till then she would wait patiently.


	3. Chapter 3

woohoo chapter 3:D and a big thank you to the guys and gals that reviewed you ROCK

still own nothing so please dont sue

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"You have to keep the stitches dry and clean and if everything goes well we can remove them next week at your follow up examination. OK?" The 13 year old nodded impatiently, as if he had something far better to do then spend his precious time in the ER. Never mind it was his own fault that he had to come here in the first place. Retsu, always patient, bestowed the boy with a calm smile and rummaged in her lab pocket. 

"You were very brave. Do you want a lollipop?"

The boy looked at the doctor aghast, but he quickly regained his coolly indifferent composure and scowled angrily. Retsu, not the slightest bit perturbed, just held the sweet towards the boy. Seeing that the Doc didn't get his point he snapped.

"No, what do you think I am. FIVE!? See ya next week." He jumped from the gurney and walked briskly toward the exit. Retsu chuckled and put the candy back in her pocket. She proceeded to clean up the left over bandages she hadn't used while treating her patient.

Finally she had patched up the last of the high school boys that had gotten into a fight earlier in the day and it had taken longer then she expected. It was time to check up on her favorite student. She had let Isane do all the bandaging and so far she had done an exceptional work. Walking to where she had last seen the girl, she was surprised to find her absent. But not only Isane had vanished; also her patient seemed nowhere to be found. At nearer inspection of the area though, she saw what appeared to be vomit on part of the bed and on the floor. Retsu winced sympathetic. From the looks of it, the Junior had, or better said, her patient, a little accident. Knowing were the girl probably was she walked to the locker rooms. She opened the door and was immediately engulfed in hot steam, confirming the doctors' suspicion of Isane's whereabouts. Waving her hand in front of her face to clear the sight she called her students name. Not getting a response, the doctor walked slowly toward the showers. Rounding one of the steel lockers she came face to face with Isane, a very naked Isane.

"Sensei!?"

The Junior exclaimed terrified in a high pitched voice. In panic she grabbed her towel, of the hook she put it prior to her shower, and covered herself, but not without giving her Sensei a quick look at her nude body. Retsu averted her eyes hastily, an uncharacteristic light blush staining her cheeks. Normally she wasn't easily flustered, they were both woman after all and she showered here daily with her colleagues, but somehow this felt different. Her heart had beaten just a tad faster at seeing her student unclad, which confused and surprised the doctor enough to distract her from noticing the thick bandage that covered most part of her students' left upper arm and shoulder. Retsu risked a quick peek at Isane and to her relief; she ignored the slight twinge of disappointment she also felt, the girl was now encased in a beige bathrobe. She studied the young woman in front of her intently, giving her heart a moment to calm down again. The Junior had her head lowered, but Retsu could, thanks to their slight height difference, still see the mad blush on her face which had spread even down as far as her neck and collarbone. Water droplets trickled down her face and hair and the doctor followed their path with her eyes. Some vanished on impact on the soft cotton of her bathrobe, others cascaded over the girls' throat and collarbone before they disappeared in the darkness between Isane's breasts and her robe. Realizing she was now effectively staring at her students' chest, the doctor flushed and averted her eyes quickly. What was wrong with her today? All this strange sensations and weird reactions of her body left her unsettled. Shaking her head to quell her desire to examine her feelings closer, she focused again on her student.

Isane was mortified. Clutching the hurriedly donned robe tightly to her chest, as not to flash her Sensei again, the Junior took deep breaths to get her thundering heart to slow down. Not only was she extremely embarrassed that the object of her affection had seen her naked, that alone will give her nightmares. 'As if I hadn't enough of those', she though ruefully. Isane was also terrified that the doctor might have noticed her bandages and would ask inquisitive questions; she didn't want to lie to her again. Lying was something she was really bad in and she saw it in her Sensei's eyes that she never fully believed all the excuses Isane told her to explain her various injuries. That's why she tried to hide them as best as she could, but how did you hide a split lip? A black eye? Or a broken nose? The Junior's body started to tremble lightly, part to the cold she suddenly felt but also cause of the stress this situation put her through.

"I am sorry Isane, I didn't mean to startle you. I was looking for you and when I saw the vomit stains on the gurney I thought you had come here. So I came here too, to…" Retsu trailed off at seeing Isane shiver. The doctor laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, ignoring the voice that told her to keep her distance. Insane suppressed a wince.

"You better get dressed before you catch a cold. I could never forgive myself for making you ill. I will wait at the door."

Receiving a stiff nod the doctor let go of her shoulder and slipped back around one of the lockers and out of Isane's sight. Finally being able to relax, the Junior expelled a puff of air. Gathering her toiletries, and her equilibrium, she made the short trek to her locker. Changing quickly in her streets clothes, she had done her shift for the day; she was relieved that her uneasiness had worn off. If her Sensei had noticed her dressings she would have already asked her about them, she reasoned, she had nothing to fear at least for now. Not wanting to make the doctor wait too long, she gathered her things quickly and jogged to the exit. The other woman, seemingly in deep thought and with her eyes closed, hadn't noticed her arrival and Isane used that chance to gaze at the object of her affection unabashed.

'She is so beautiful. Not only her appearance but also inside. I've never met anyone as kind and patient as her. It's ironic, really. My one sided love for her gives me often sleepless nights and causes me sorrow, but she is also responsible for some of the best moments in my life. Like last New Year's Eve, were she kissed me on the cheek and in her soft melodic voice wished me a happy new year. Her lips were so soft and I would give everything to feel this divine touch on my own.' Unconsciously Isane had made a step forward; blue-grayed eyes glued to the doctors rosy lips, and now stood only a foot apart from her.

Sensing the proximity of the other, Retsu opened her eyes. Their gaze met and for a moment the time stopped. Both searched in the eyes of the other. Isane for a glimpse that the doctor might return her feelings and Retsu for the reason that the Junior kept secrets from her. A crash from outside the locker startled them both and started the time again. Isane jumped back as if burned and Retsu put a hand on her fast beating heart originated not only from the sudden noise. The Junior coughed.

"You were looking for me?" Again the aspiring doctor was blushing shyly, but there was a sadness in her eyes that wasn't present a moment ago. Retsu could only wonder why.

"Yes, yes I was. I finished with the last of my patients and thought I would look if you could use a hand."

"Oh, well I was nearly finished as well, but then the poor kid got ill and vomited. Dr. Kurosaki, who was in the vicinity, told me he would put the last bandage on and I should go and take a shower to get rid of the grime."

"That was nice of him." Retsu liked the middle aged pediatrician, but was always rendered speechless when seeing his interaction with his son. How could, someone who loved it to "attack" his son randomly, be so gentle when it comes to treating children. It was a mystery to her.

"Yes it was." She answered quietly and sorrowfully.

Sensing her students' sudden unhappiness Retsu wrecked her brain to find something that would cheer her up. "How about we go for a coffee, now that we both completed our work? I will drive you home afterwards."

Isane had only to think for a second to know what her answer would be. She knew she couldn't be in her Sensei's presence right now. She was in too much turmoil and would probably make a fool out of herself. "I am sorry, but it's pretty late already and I have to get home to my sister."

At hearing this, Retsu's face fell. She was disappointed that Isane didn't want to spend time with her and she realized that this was the first time that the Junior said no to something she proposed. It left her uneasy, but not for the obvious reason but rather for the twinge of resentment she felt that there was something, someone, more important than her in Isane's life. Realizing that those were feelings more suited for a lover then a friend, made Retsu lightheaded. She was glad that already leaned on the wall or she would have swayed dangerously. For the umpteen times that day she asked herself what was wrong with her.

"Oh, no problem maybe some other time. I will still drive you home of course."

Not wanting to offend her Sensei more than she already did, by refusing that generous offer, Isane nodded. Glad that she could at least avoid that her student had to take the bus at this hour, it was November and already dark and cold outside, Retsu smiled relieved. After making a quick stop at her own locker in which she put her lab coat and stethoscope they were on their way to the doctor's car. The drive to Isane's home was spent in gloomy silence. Both immersed in their own not so happy thoughts. The Junior was relieved when the car finally came to a stop in front of her house. She wanted nothing more then to run into her room lock the door and then sleep away the next couple of days. Isane opened the door quickly. "Arigato gozaimasu, see you tomorrow," she was about to depart the car when a muted voice stopped her.

"Isane wait." The Junior halted in her tracks upon hearing the sorrow in the softly spoken words, but couldn't bring herself to face her Sensei. "Look at me." No reaction, except a light quivering of the shoulders. Retsu gingerly touched her students back. "O-negai?"

Reluctantly Isane turned around, tears had gathered in her eyes and their color had changed from their normal light blue-gray to a darker shade, which resembled the color of clouds before a storm. It tore at Retsu's heart to see her friend like that. She wanted to know what the reason for the girls' unhappiness was, so she could do something, anything, about it. When it was one thing that Unohana Retsu hated then it was when she was unable to help someone in pain, and it ripped her apart to see Isane this broken. She took the young woman's hand in her own and entwined their fingers to show her support.

"Whatever it is that has you this distraught, you can tell me. It will stay between us and I will help you as best as I can."

Upon hearing these words spoken so caringly Isane's composure shattered completely and a sob escaped her lips. Warm arms engulfed her in a comforting hug and she let herself cry in the arms of the woman she loved.

'Why is the world so cruel to me? How can I tell this woman, that I cherish, that the reason I am devastated is that I hadn't seen the same love reflected in her eyes that are in mine? I've only seen friendly concern, and that's what I always will be for her. A friend and nothing more. It hurts so bad it feels as if someone ripped my heart out and in its place there is only emptiness!'

Soft hands stroked her hair and back and she heard the quietly murmured words of encouragement. Her crying subsided slowly and she detangled herself from her Sensei.

"Gomen nasai, I don't know what came over me," she hiccupped and rubbed at her red eyes, hoping that her Sensei would believe the lie. She was startled as a hand gently touched her cheek and brushed some tears away.

"Don't lie to me." Isane met the worried but also determined gaze of her Sensei, and knew that the other woman wouldn't let her go this time if she didn't tell her something that the older woman could believe. She took a deep breath and expelled the air slowly, wreaking her brain to find something that wouldn't sound like a lie.

'Here it goes…' "My mom, I thought about her and that made me sad. The boy today made me remember her and…" Isane trailed off, hating herself with a passion that she used her mother's death as an excuse.

Retsu's eyes softened again and she breathed a sigh of relief. Of course would the deaf boy bring back memories of her mother and make her sad, it sounded plausible to her. Disregarding the tiny voice in her head, that pointed out to her that Isane was perfectly normal after their encounter with the boy and only later after THEIR encounter in the locker room seemed to have slipped into depression, she bestowed the Junior with one of her patented smiles. The one that said, everything will be alright. But this time she wasn't so sure herself if it really will be.

"I am sorry I forgot. That must have brought back some painful memories." Isane nodded, too ashamed to speak. Feeling that she wouldn't get anything else out of the taller girl tonight she bid her farewell and watched her uneasily, as she walked towards her house. Only after the Junior had closed the sturdy front door, did she start the engine and drove home herself, all the way deep in thought.

Hearing her Sensei's car speed away, Isane slumped against the door. She was so tired, understandable after such an emotional exhausting day. With heavy feet, and heart, she made her way to the kitchen from where she heard loud clattering. 'First eat then sleep,' was her only thought. "Kiyone-chan. I am home." She expected to see her sister after entering the kitchen but who she saw instead made her loose her appetite in an instant.

"Dad?!"

* * *

A/N: i changed some small things like a nice reviewer suggested (big thanks to hafftailing:D) i hope now its a little easierer to read :) i will post new chapters right after i finish writing them so it could be that after i finished writing the entire story i will post the story again (i often go back and change some small things) just so you know

THANK you very much to everyone who has read this story so far and a big THANKS to the ones that reviewed!


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